Dead & Gone
by Psyc0gurl0
Summary: Veronica's journey from how she was before Lilly died to what we see in the Pilot. This is a response to the November challenge. Just a little one shot. Warning: Swearing. Hints of LoVe.


**Disclaimer: No one belongs to me! If they did LoVe would never have broken up. Like ever.**

**Author's Note:** So this is in response to the _vmficrec November Challenge_. For option two, New Veronica Origin story. The prompt is how did V go from how we saw her in the flashbacks when Lilly died to complete badass we saw in the season 1 pilot. So here's my take on it. I dunno if it's good, but it's my first challenge and I couldn't write _Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic Love_ for some reason because I have writer's block and this is my way of getting over it. Or trying to at least. So! I hope you like it! Enjoy!

**Dead & Gone**

Veronica sat quietly at the counter of the dinner staring down at her copy of _Taming of the Shrew_. She had been attempting to do her homework for the better part of the night, but the only thing she could concentrate on was the look on Logan's face from earlier.

She knew as she watched him smash in her headlights that she had pushed things too far between them with planting the bong in his locker, but that didn't mean it would stop. She wondered briefly if he was as tired of their feuding as she was, but then again she wasn't tired enough to stop.

Sometimes in the dead of night when she was feeling her most vulnerable she allowed herself to think of what had been between them and how they had used to be friends.

Now that seemed like a lifetime or two ago.

The tiny bell in the dinner dinged to alert one of the hostess that someone was ready to be seated. She was too caught up in her thoughts to look up, but she did notice that the newcomer slide onto the stool next to her.

"Taking a break between tricks, Ronnie." A voice sneered in her ear from beside her.

She stiffened instantly feeling the familiar walls go up around her like a second skin. She wasn't sure when the walls had first formed, but she knew that without them she'd be lost and broken from the ongoing battle between herself and the 09ers. She needed the high tower walls to protect her from the vicious behavior they poured upon her for over a year. It was the only way she could stand to live in Neptune.

Sometimes she felt nostalgic for her old life, but after seeing the true vindictive behavior she knew she was better off alone. At least alone she didn't have to trust anyone who would eventually backstab her.

Without saying anything she began to gather her things together wanting to leave as quickly as possible. She wasn't in the mood to deal with Logan, not after everything that had already happened today.

"Leaving so soon, Ver-on-i-ca." Logan said elongating her name.

She didn't even spare him a look instead tossing a twenty on the counter to pay for her food and then swinging her bag over her shoulder making sure to hit him while doing so.

"What? No quip? No prank at my expense? Not even a well thought out insult from the almighty badass Veronica Mars?" Logan taunted.

She gritted her teeth keeping her back to him and tried to remind herself that she could just walk away. But walking away wasn't in her nature anymore.

"Jeez, Veronica you used to be fun." He mocked easing his way off the stool and then walking past her right out the door.

"Did you just come in here to make fun of me?" she asked following him out of the diner.

He smirked, turning to her pleased that she was going to fight back. He always loved it when she fought back. It made things more interesting. It gave him tingles seeing the angry look in her eyes, how she rolled her shoulders back as if she were preparing for battle, and how her tongue became razor sharp with insults. She was a worthy opponent and he basked in how acidic and vengeful she had become. She wasn't always like that, but the meaner she got the more he loved taunting her. He enjoyed tormenting her, but he refused to look deeper into why he liked it so much. For him it was because he hated her, hated what she had done, hated how she had betrayed them. If he were willing to look beneath the shallow surface, however, he'd figure out why he loved mocking her so much.

"I saw you're car. It's not hard to miss with all the damage someone did to it. I just thought I'd stop and have a friendly chat with you." He said watching as her eye's darkened in anger.

"Go pester someone else, Logan, I'm not in the mood today." She snapped moving around him to get to her car. He blocked her and she glared up at him annoyed that he had the advantage since he towered over her.

"But you're always so fun to annoy. Watching you get so riled up brings me such joy."

"Careful, Logan, saying such sentiments might make me think you care."

"Care? About you? That's laughable, Ronnie. How could I even remotely pretend to care about a traitorous bitch? I forgot how funny you are." He stated smirking down at her.

"Likewise. I forgot how much of an asshole you are. Tell me, after you smashed my car in did you go get hammered and screw a bunch of idiotic bimbos. Rumor has it that you're seeing Caitlyn Ford. Does she really only have VD or is there a hybrid form of Chlamydia mixed in there too? I wanna know so I can win a bet."

"You sound jealous."

"Only disgusted, but then again it is you and Logan Echolls and disgusting jackass are synonymous so…" she tried to get around him again, but he blocked her way.

"You used to be nice, what happened to you?"

She laughed bitterly and finally pushed him to the side so she could get into her beat up car.

"Oh Logan, don't ask questions to, which you already know the answers to." She said climbing in and skirting out of the parking lot. His words echoed inside her head making her question what had happened to her. It was never supposed to be this way, she thought thinking back to how things once were.

* * *

><p>Veronica didn't know why Duncan was acting so weird. One day they were fine, holding hands, lightly kissing in the parking lot before and after school and the next he was openly ignoring her.<p>

"What's going on with Duncan?" Veronica asked as she stood at Lilly's locker watching Duncan joke around with Logan across the hall.

"Didn't I tell you to forget about him Veronica? This weekend when we go to Fleet Week I'll make sure you forget all about silly Donut." Lilly said as she gazed at herself in her locker mirror.

"But I don't want to forget about Duncan. I want to know why he broke up with me." Veronica exclaimed feeling dejected.

Lilly sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. "Just forget about Duncan. There are other fish in the sea. That's what I'm going to do about Logan. I mean, hello! Who does he think he is, making out with new girl Yolanda in front of everyone? Doesn't he know who I am." She said throwing her hair behind her ear and wrapping an arm through Veronica's.

"This weekend is all about us, V, we're going to flirt with some sexy sailors and hopefully you will finally lose that pesky thing you call virginity." Lilly said winking at her and then sauntering off to class.

Veronica watched her go not feeling at all ready to go to San Diego that evening. She briefly wondered if she should call her dad and beg him to come up with an excuse for her not to go, but then again this was Lilly and no one said no to Lilly.

She turned around and began to walk in the direction of her geometry class when she heard someone approaching her from behind.

"Hey, Ronnie." Logan said coming up behind her.

She glanced over at him and winced already knowing why he was approaching her. She cradled her books to her chest and continued to walk not in the mood for being chewed out by Logan.

"Can you stop, please? I want to talk to you." He said grabbing her shoulder to get her to halt.

She huffed and turned to face him trying to school her features, but she knew she just looked worried. She could never hide her emotions, they were always written all over her face.

"Why did you tell Lilly about Yolanda and I? You know it meant nothing." Logan said heatedly.

"Logan, I'm not having this conversation with you right now. I have to get to class."

He snorted and rolled his eyes. "Saint Veronica hurrying off to class. Come on, you can be late. I'm you're friend too, and I think you owe me an explanation. Why did you tell Lilly about the kiss?"

Veronica blinked rapidly and fidgeted an apologetic expression already on her face. She cursed herself silently for not being able to hide her emotions.

"Because she's my best friend." She said finally knowing immediately it was the wrong thing to say.

"Well you're one of my closest friends, that doesn't mean anything to you? Please, V, talk to Lilly. I love her you know I do. Yolanda meant nothing to me." He said vehemently.

Veronica bit her lip and looked away. "Logan, if you want to apologize to Lilly. You apologize to her. I'm not the messenger."

"But when Lilly does something wrong to me you're _her_ messenger. How many times have you come to me to apologize for her? How many times have I taken her back despite her cheating on me? Come on Veronica, you owe me. It's you're fault she's not talking to me in the first place."

"Are you serious? _I_ made you kiss Yolanda? And what do I even owe you for?" she asked bewildered.

"That time I snuck you into your house when we got drunk, remember? A few weeks ago."

Veronica rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to respond when she saw Vice Principal Clemmons rounding the corner. Since the bell had rung already they were both liable to get detention and no way was she going to have a detention on her spotless record. She grabbed Logan's hand and pushed him into the girl's bathroom before Clemmons could see them.

"Woaw, Ronnie, if I knew you wanted me all you had to do was ask. I could make you feel things you've never even dreamed of." He said smirking at her lecherously.

"Clemmons was coming, idiot." She mumbled and then looked around the bathroom nervously.

"A boy in a girl's bathroom, you know, this is so wrong. I wonder what types of things we could get up to in here." He commented smiling widely when she blushed.

"Listen, I'll talk to Lilly, but I can't guarantee anything. I have a question for you, though. Do you know why Duncan broke up with me?" she asked vulnerability seeping into her voice.

Logan scowled, "you guys broke up? When?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"No. I thought it was kinda weird that every time I brought you up he avoided it, but I just figured it was one of Duncan's weird days."

Veronica frowned thoughtfully taking that in.

"I have to go to class." She said turning to go back outside.

"Wait! You'll talk to her, right?" he asked grabbing her arm to stop her.

"Yeah, yeah." She mumbled distracted by trying to slip out of the bathroom. Her mind was already a million miles away on what she could've possibly done to upset Duncan.

"Thanks Veronica, you're a true friend." He said just as she disappeared into the hallway. He wasn't sure if she heard, but he meant it neither the less.

* * *

><p>Lilly was dead. Lilly was dead. Lilly was dead. Veronica couldn't think of anything else. It was like her mind was on repeat. Stuck on the same three words. She wasn't able to comprehend it, instead she just sat in the front seat of her dad's cruiser and waited until he was finished giving orders. She had seen Lilly lying there blood gushing out of her head like it was a spilled bottle of champagne. She was still in her pep squad uniform and her gaze lacked the vivaciousness of the alive teenager she once was.<p>

What was going to happen now, Veronica wondered vaguely. She could still see Duncan rocking back and forth in his catatonic position she'd found him in and she thought about whether or not she should comfort him. But she longed for comfort herself, she didn't think she could be someone else's rock.

"Are you ready, honey?" Keith asked bringing his daughter back to the present.

She tore her gaze from her ex-boyfriend who was now being talked to quietly by his mother.

"Yeah." She whispered.

"I'm going to find, Lilly's killer, ok, honey?" he said using a soothing voice she recognized when she was sick.

"Ok." She agreed staring out the window at the large homes. Honestly she didn't feel anything, just shock and heartache like she'd never known before. Even when Duncan broke up with her she never felt this unfamiliar heart wrenching pain. When Duncan had broke up with her she told herself it wasn't the end of the world, but now that Lilly was dead she felt like it was the end of the world. Lilly was dead. Lilly was dead. Lilly was—

"Dad can you pull over?" she asked her hand already on the door.

He nodded and he did so quickly. She opened her door and threw up wishing the pain left her as easily as the dinner she had just eaten mere hours before. This was one of those life changing moments, she thought as she continued to retch. Nothing would ever be the same again.

* * *

><p>The day after Lilly's murder the school was a circus. There were dozens of TV networks camped out in front of the school waiting to get exclusive interviews with people who knew Lilly. Veronica noticed neither Duncan nor Logan were at school that day and she wished she'd skipped too. She ate lunch for the first time alone watching with dazed eyes as Madison, Shelly, and Carrie declared that they were Lilly's best friends and were 'Oh so sad' that she was gone.<p>

Veronica snorted into her yogurt knowing that now that Lilly was gone Madison was most likely to take her spot as the next queen bee. Madison, Veronica knew, was about as sad about Lilly as she was when her dad presented her with the gift of fake breasts for her sixteenth birthday.

Veronica knew the truth as she watched them fawn over all the news stations and gush about how sad and terrible everything was. As she watched them she felt for the first time anger like she'd never known before. She was angry with Duncan and Logan for leaving her alone. She was angry at Lilly for leaving her, for getting herself killed. She was angry with the 09er girls for spinning a tale of lies for the media so they could gain their five minutes of fame.

She couldn't stand to see how everyone was pretending that THEY were Lilly's best friend, when in reality she, Logan, and Duncan were her only real friends. It wasn't that she wanted to be interviewed and talked about by the media, but she did want the truth to be revealed.

As the rest of the week went by she waited for her friends to ask how she was doing. Just because Lilly was gone, didn't mean she was alone, right? She still had Meg and the other 09er girls, like Kimmie, Ashley, Susan, and all the others, but why weren't they asking how she was doing? Why hadn't anyone made sure she was ok with what was going on? It wasn't like they didn't know where she was.

She sat at the same empty table every day waiting for someone to check in with her. Even the boys weren't asking how she was doing. The only person who asked was Logan and that was when she could get him on the phone when he wasn't drunk. And Mrs. James, but really she didn't count cause that was her job.

She waited with each passing day for someone to see how she was dealing with everything, and yet every day that passed people began to see right through her. She wondered like she had for years, if the only reason she was allowed behind the red velvet ropes into the 09er clique was because of the Kanes and Logan, now she had her answer.

With each passing day the more she was ignored, the bigger the ball of anger grew in the pit of her stomach. She wondered what would happened when it exploded.

* * *

><p>"You're dad should be out there looking for Lilly's murderer not accusing the people she loved and who loved her as being her killer! That's my girlfriend. Your friend. Duncan's sister. You're dad is destroying what's left of the Kane family. What is wrong with you people, huh?" Logan yelled at her.<p>

She had gone to the library to eat lunch and study, but somehow Logan had found her there.

After Lilly's death and the funeral they had grown distant, both of them lost in their grief. Although she craved to call him and talk to him about it, she knew he was off getting drunk trying to make himself feel better. After seeing him beyond belligerent and wasted at the funeral she knew he was going to be lost for some time. She just wanted to make sure he knew she was there for him when he finally came around.

Unfortunately when he finally came around was when her father accused Jake Kane of killing his daughter.

She should've known that once Logan came out of his drunken grief ridden haze he would turn to anger. And his anger was directed at her.

Solely at her.

"This is what my dad thinks, Logan. I can't change that." she said adamantly.

She tried to go around him, back to the table she had been sitting at to get her stuff. She had just gotten up to go to the bathroom and when she came back she found Logan with puppy dog eyes staring down at her as if she'd just killed his favorite pet.

"You can try to talk to him! Why do you just stand by and let everyone make decisions for you? Why don't you tell him he's wrong?" He said angrily blocking her path back to her table.

"What if he's not wrong? What if Jake did do it?" she argued.

"You know Jake! You know how much he cared about Lilly and Duncan. Why don't you look at the facts? Your dad's wrong. We know the Kanes they would never hurt their own children." He said an emotion flashing in his eyes that she couldn't describe.

She looked away and wrapped her arms around herself like a shield. She tried to ignore the people around her whispering, like they had since that morning when her dad had gone on national TV and accused Jake Kane. The infamous innocently perfect picture dad, Jake Kane was accused of murder. How ridiculous the town thought.

"I don't want to talk about this here, Logan." She said quietly tightening her arms around herself as if she could deflect the rage and hurt in his eyes.

"Right, because you avoid confrontation, Mars. You're a coward. Stand up for something. Take a side. Pick our side. You know you're dad's wrong, why can't you admit that?" he demanded to know.

She shook her head and bit her lip to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

"I pick my dad, Logan. It will always be my dad. He's right I know that. He's my dad, how could you expect me to side with anyone else?" She asked quietly.

Logan stared down at her with such anger she took a step back.

"What was the point of even being friends with Lilly then if you don't have her back? What was the point of being friends with any of us? Face it Veronica Mars you're just a social climber just like the rest of them. If Lilly were alive to see what you've become she'd disown you. We're done. Forever." He said before turning and striding over to the table she was sitting at.

She watched with wide eyes as he picked up her pretty pink backpack Lilly had picked out for her and dumped it in the trash. He stalked away a glare already directed at anyone who looked at him wrong. Veronica stood there for a moment before going to the garbage and digging her bag out. The acidic anger in her stomach grew and she knew that finally she was alone in this battle.

* * *

><p>After her dad was kicked out of office they moved. Her mother abandoned them and the anger she felt inside grew to monstrous proportions. She cried for what she'd lost, tired of everyone leaving her. She cried when Logan said nasty things to her or tormented her. She cried when they graffitied her locker and slashed her tires. She cried for her father having to build a business in a town where everyone hated them and lastly she cried for herself. She wasn't sure how anything could get worse than this. She'd lost everything she had held dear and she knew she'd never be the same again.<p>

She didn't know how people could be so cruel and every day the ball of anger within her grew and the walls that she had started to build around herself went up brick by brick with each insult that was thrown her way. She wanted to fight back, but she was never a fighter. She generally stood by and allowed things to happen, like what had happened with Yolanda. She ignored everyone and tried to avoid them, or at least attempted to keep the tears at bay until she went into the bathroom.

She had no friends to talk to, her only companion being her father and Backup. One was away all the time trying to keep a roof over their heads and the other couldn't talk to her. She felt sad for what her life had become, but she also felt angry for what had happened. No one got to determine her fate, but her. If she wanted to do something she would do it without asking permission or telling anyone.

Maybe that's what led her to Shelly Pomroy's party. She wasn't going to let what everyone was saying get her down. She was going to show them that their words didn't matter and that she was the same girl they'd known all their lives. They'd come around she knew they would.

The party was already in full form when she arrived. She wore a white dress that Lilly had absolutely despised because of how virginal it looked. She matched it with black jewelry and she told herself several times in the car ride over that what she was doing was the right thing. She'd go have a drink maybe talk to Duncan, try and avoid Logan, and talk to some of her so-called friends. Although after being ignored for nearly two months she really couldn't call them friends. She figured that the worst thing that could happen was that they told her to leave.

The moment she arrived at the party she knew going was a bad idea. The only other place she had received such hateful glares was at school, but here was so much worse because she was on their playing field. At least at school there were other people, here she was completely alone.

She moved through the party easily, parting the crowd as she went. She saw some freshman girl hanging all over Logan as he glared across the room at her and when she passed Duncan she rolled her eyes upon seeing Shelly draped across him. As she wove through the crowd someone handed her a coke and rum and she took it without thinking.

After a little while she felt funny as she maneuvered her way through the crowd. She ended up outside and on a lounger. She was so tired and felt so out of it, she just wanted to rest her eyes for a little while. Then she'd go home and curl up in her warm bed with Backup. Soon after she fell asleep unbeknownst to what would happen to her once she did.

She awoke to find her dress ripped and her panties on the floor. The junction between her thighs hurt like she never thought possible and when she looked she saw dried blood and crusted semen. Hobbling out of the room she went to the car and was unsurprised to see her car with slashed tired and 'Slut' written on the windshield.

"You look like someone had a good time with you. How many guys did you fuck last night? I heard it was six." Sean said drunkenly stumbling out of the bushes.

She turned so he wouldn't see her cry and she continued on shoes dangling in one hand.

She walked her way to the police station and as she sat in Lamb's office she allowed herself one tear as he told her to see the wizard.

She spent the rest of the day scrubbing her body until she was raw and puking at how violated she felt.

The next day she begged her dad to allow her to stay home because she felt ill. When he went to work she decided that enough was enough, she was going to take control of her life. She destroyed her closest getting rid of everything except a few items that meant a lot to her. She went to the thrift store and bought new clothes all in dark colors and completely different from what she'd ever worn. She cut her hair as short as she dared and when her dad came home the only thing he said was:

"Were you really sick?"

"Yes." She said continuing to make dinner.

"You know you're going to school tomorrow, right, honey?"

"Yes."

"Ok." He said going back to some cases he was working on.

"Dad, I've been thinking I need an after school job. What do you think of me being your secretary?" she asked surveying him dinner.

He thought about it for a moment and then nodded. "As long as you do your school work I'll allow it. It might be nice to get some help too. Cliff keeps bringing me new clients." He mused taste testing the chili she had made.

She gave him a small smile and began to eat her meal. Tomorrow was the start of a new Veronica, she thought. No more crying over things that she couldn't change, no more allowing people to walk all over her. She was done ignoring everything that had happened. She was fighting back. Finally the anger had exploded.

* * *

><p>The next day Veronica got out of her car with her head held high. She didn't think about people pointing at her or the whispers. She didn't run into the bathroom to cry or hide. She didn't think about Saturday night and what had happened. She continued on her way to her locker. When she saw 'slut' written across it she rolled her eyes and ignored the word.<p>

"Well if it isn't little Ronnie. Where were you yesterday? Out pleasuring the police force so you can get your daddy back in as Sheriff?" Logan taunted seeing her standing at her locker.

She whipped around and he smirked expecting to see her turn and run away in tears like she had for nearly two months.

"Wow Logan, I didn't realize you cared so much where I was yesterday. Thanks for being such a good friend – oh wait, you aren't. No you're an obligatory jackass who can't seem to keep a woman satisfied. I remember what Lilly used to tell me. _'Oh Veronica, Logan's sooooo boring in bed, he always is trying to make love to me. He's such a cliché and his jealousy is sooooo annoying. I can never just fuck whom I want to fuck. He's always getting in the way. If only Logan could take a hint, I'd much rather fuck his friends._'" Veronica mocked doing a perfect imitation of Lilly. She smirked as Logan's jaw dropped in astonishment.

"Careful, Logan, you'll catch flies, although that wouldn't be the first thing you've caught. Ever heard of using a condom, Mr. Chlamydia." She said winking at him and then turning around the walk through the hall.

The students parted for her taking in her transition and she continued to hold her head up high. The anger had exploded and Veronica 2.0 was here.

**The End**

(A/n: So what did you think?)


End file.
